Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
