According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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