"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
