so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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