I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
