I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
