I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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