I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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