Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
