I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
