3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
