I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
