If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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