Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just tell him i said nine months
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize