He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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