Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
