were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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