is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
