Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
