I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
