I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm like, not good at living.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
