I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
