Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
