I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
