id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
