i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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