Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
