I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
