Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
