My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
