Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize