So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
