I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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