Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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