Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
In America we eat man semen.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
