Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
