how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
