I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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