thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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