I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
