grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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