I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
