So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
