I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
