i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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