you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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