I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
