two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
