Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
