I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We have so much sex to catch up on
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
