I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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