I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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