I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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