I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
