So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
