I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
