Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
