my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
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