Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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