I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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