i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Small penises have feelings too.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
