i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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