Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
