Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
