porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
