Please, let me fuck your mom
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
