He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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