The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
BRING THE BAGELS
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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