plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
No subtext here. People are naked.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
