oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Drunk is a universal language darling
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