it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
