i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
