i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
