if i can run in heels then i can drive
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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