sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
