pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
