that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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